As he finished his lunch in room 4300, a cramped one seat teacher’s office between the science and math hallways, Math Teacher Mr. Leslie Meyer looked over to the recycling bin and became the first human to notice Lenny, the missing Madagascar Hissing Cockroach, in nearly a week. He said, “I just happened to glance down and see it there on the floor.” 

To get to where he was, Lenny must have done more than hide this time. There remains a distinct possibility that during one of the school’s passing periods, Lenny was scrambling about, free and invisible. Most denizens of the Hill can get by playing hooky for a few days and return in better health but slimmer precalculus grades than before. Lenny’s delinquency, however, had very few academic consequences but some major health ones. 

Their keeper, Zoology teacher Ms. Woelfer, said, “He’s looking a little rough. He’s missing an antennae, he’s got some dust on him, got some cobwebs on him. He’s looking a little dehydrated, he’s back with his pal Larry.”

Their method of escape is no longer a mystery. Ms. Woelfer said, “They (were) bench pressing the lid off.” She is expecting no further disappearing acts from her prized invertebrates as she has placed a somewhat hefty box of markers on top of their habitat. Woelfer said,  “It has made me realize that cockroaches are a lot smarter than I think because they learned how to pop the lid on their tank.”

We must pray for Lenny in this tough time, remembering how their Houdini-like escapades “brought the school together,” as Ms. Woelfer said. He faces a long road ahead of him, as he will be continually reminded of his missing antennae by his reflection in the glass walls around him. Think of what that must do to a cockroach’s self-esteem. Thankfully, Lenny was kind of ugly to start out with, so he’ll probably be fine.

If anyone wishes to console Lenny or Larry in person, they are available at this time. Ms. Woelfer said, “If anyone wants to come by and see Lenny and Larry, you are more than welcome to, and if you want to hold them,” Ms. Woelfer paused for a beat, “we can arrange that too.”

Please restrain your wild roach-holding enthusiasm.